What Worked (And What Didn't) In 2023
A very cliche round-up of stream-of-consciousness reflections
I’ve come to realize that most people either love or hate end-of-the-year reflections so if you are in the latter camp, feel free to skip/delete/archive this post and pretend I never sent it.
If you are in the love camp, a quick disclaimer: I sat down and wrote this in one quick sitting yesterday. I did not ponder for hours, stroking my chin while staring out the window. I did not edit these words to death. While I do have some formal end-of-year processing time scheduled for the weeks ahead, this was simply a warm-up exercise. This list is the appetizer before the meal, the primer before the makeup.
All of that is a wordy way of saying: now’s the time to lower your expectations. Nothing super profound here. But I happen to be in the love camp with these types of posts so I am letting this one fly. Here we go!
What worked:
Yoga. I did not kick off 2023 thinking, this will be the year I start going to yoga consistently! Alas, here we are. In January I signed up for a 30-day trial at a local studio with the intention of jump-starting some stress management heading into book launch season. By the end of the trial, I was so hooked that when I got the email to “lock in an unlimited monthly membership at the lowest price!”—I couldn’t say no. At the time of writing this, I have completed 98 yoga classes in 2023. I am actually working on a longer post about the impact of this practice, but for now I’ll simply say: this is the most care and attention I have given my body since becoming a mother, and it has been wonderful.
Writing on yellow legal pads. Between Maggie Smith and Hannah Brencher preaching the effectiveness of a good ole fashioned yellow legal pad, I was finally influenced to buy a three-pack at Target. Let me tell you: they were right. I don’t know why yellow legal pads are better than the dozen pretty Rifle Paper notebooks I own, but somehow they are. They’re big. They’re bright. They’re cheap. I cannot tell you how many afternoons I sat in my backyard this year writing in the sunshine with pen and paper. 10/10 recommend.
Embracing simple to-do lists over fancy planners. I am a person who, without fail, orders a beautiful planner at the end of every year, and mostly gives up on it by April. Why do I keep doing this to myself? In 2023, I finally called it. This is who I am—at least right now—and I cannot handle the guilt and shame of failing at yet another planner. Here is what is working for me, instead: every morning (or sometimes before bed) I skim emails and Slack messages and write a simple to-do list on a notepad. Throughout the day, I cross items off as I complete them. And then I do it all over again the next day. I keep big deadlines written on post-it notes tacked to the wall above my desk. The system is so simple, it’s almost dumb. And I love it.
Deleting Instagram regularly and consistently. This has been on my what’s working list for years, and 2023 was no exception. This year I deleted IG all of January, July, August, and every other week in between. Yes, even during book launch season. This year I will clock roughly 20 weeks on the app, and 32 weeks off the app. I’m probably a broken record at this point, but deleting Instagram reaps consistent freedom and fruit in my life: more writing, more reading, more creativity, more presence with my family and friends, more space in my brain to dream, more quiet, more stillness, more peace. Wanna join me this January? I’d love to be your accountability partner.
Shooting film. Technically, I am on my third year of shooting film but I would say 2023 was the year I really pushed myself. I tried a new film camera. I tried new film stocks. I tried actually incorporating film into a family session that was not my family. I’m still learning and making mistakes and having fun, and all of that is a gift. Let it be known that 2024 is going to be the year I attempt double exposures (!). It’s fun to be three whole years into a creative practice and still feel like I am just getting started.
Babysitting share. To put this bluntly, childcare has been the bane of my motherhood existence for eleven years now. I am finally, finally, finally in a good spot, thanks very much to a part-time babysitter share. Two to three afternoons a week, Presley goes to a friend’s house for a few hours, where an amazing babysitter gives her and her little friend all kinds of attention. They go to the park. The children’s museum. Starbucks. The fish hatchery. The babysitter is amazing, Presley loves hanging with her friend, and the cost is far more affordable than it would be if I hired a babysitter for just Presley on my own. Plus, I love having a small quiet window where all of my children are out of the house. Win-win for everyone.
TSA pre-check. Why in the world did it take Brett and I this long to get PSA pre-check? Well, actually, I know the answer. It took us this long because we have the best airport in the country1 and I never wait longer than 15 minutes in the security line, so it felt unnecessary. But after traveling a ton in 2023, it finally dawned on me: I don’t need TSA pre-check for my airport, I need it for every other airport. Very first time we got to hop in the shorter line, Brett and I looked at each other dumbfounded. Why didn’t we do this years ago? Learn from our procrastination. TSA pre-check is worth every cent.
Book club. Longer post about this coming soon, but co-starting a book club with my friend Elise was a major highlight of 2023 for me.
Creative pivots. I am blessed and privileged in a million ways to be able to take risks with my art and pivot when I need to. 2023 was the year Coffee + Crumbs switched from publishing new essays every single week to publishing four high-quality collections a year (see: spring / summer / fall / winter). In addition to that, we moved from Patreon to Substack, and also published our very first print magazine. All of these shifts involved a great deal of risk, uncertainty, fear, and faith. So much stress. So much anxiety. So many prayers. So many pleas for discernment. And yet, here we are. Four collections under our belt (on a website with zero ads where every writer is paid for their work—a gift I do not take for granted). The financial support we now receive through Substack far surpasses what we ever made in Patreon. Our print magazine is officially out in the world (!) and while there have definitely been some kinks along the way, I am relieved to report it was not a colossal disaster or failure. Dare I even say: the majority of the feedback has been positive. I’ve had some high highs and low lows with C+C this year, but I am ending 2023 mostly feeling one thing, and that is grateful to still be making meaningful art for (and with) a community of encouraging women who genuinely see the value in what we create.
Alright … and now onto the not-so-stellar things …
What didn’t work:
Failing to meal plan 52 weeks in a row. I wish I was joking. The meal situation in my house has been caught somewhere between dire and cereal and nonexistent for all of 2023. I finally just re-subscribed to Hello Fresh to get me back in the practice of making at least three meals a week. I need all the help I can get right now.
(Lack of) date nights. I can count on one hand the number of dates Brett and I went on in 2023. Ironically, we both work from home and are together almost ALL OF THE TIME, but I think we are both learning there is a very big difference between simply co-existing under the same roof and going on a date. Our marriage has felt especially tender and fragile the past few months, and investing in date nights (along with marriage counseling) is something we are prioritizing in 2024.
Not drinking water. I’m not proud of this, but I basically spent the first 11 months of 2023 surviving on coffee, coffee, coffee, La Croix, and the occasional cocktail. I am that person who goes to bed every night thinking, “Did I drink any water today? Gosh I need to drink more water tomorrow.” I know everyone loves to poke fun at Stanley cups, but I finally got one and am hoping this will be the cure to my lack of water intake, even if I have to become a walking meme in the process.
Trying to do everything all of the time. I am ending this year realizing for the 100th time I cannot keep doing the work of eight people. I think the magazine is what pushed me over the edge, and I am officially looking to bring on some more help in 2024. Also working on boundaries. Accepting my own limitations. Lowering the standards I set for myself. Rinse, repeat.
Trying to please people who cannot be pleased. This is an oversimplification of my personality, but, generally speaking—I am a person who loves to work hard, and dream big dreams, and build things, and make things, and I also very much want everyone who interacts with those things to be happyhappyhappyhappy. And I am learning the hard way, again, that some people will never be happy. Some people will never like the things you make. Some people will always want more, will always want better, will always take the time to send you long emails about how you are “not providing enough content” for their $3 a month. My friend Katie recently reminded me that the best we can do is the best we can do. What a simple, profound statement. I know in my guts Coffee + Crumbs has done the best we could do this year. And I have done the best *I* could do this year. Instead of replaying the contents of critical emails in my head at 3am, I am trying to lean into that truth instead. The best we can do is the best we can do.
Too many streaming services. We have joined and quit and re-joined something like seven different streaming services this year to keep up with a total of like … nine shows? Is it just us? I keep waiting for one master streaming service to come out where you can just buy tokens to watch the single shows you care about. Like if I want to watch The Bear and Love is Blind and Shrinking and The Office and Yellowstone, you’re telling me I need five different subscriptions? This is madness! We don’t watch 99.9% of anything offered on any of these platforms. Will this ever exist: ONE master subscription where you get to cherry pick the .1% of shows you actually watch? A girl can dream.
Alright, friends, that’s all I’ve got. I’m sure if I sat here longer, I could come up with 5-10 more for each list, but these were the ones that toppled out of my head first.
I’d love to know: what worked (and what didn’t) for you in 2023? Tell me everything!
I am 100% biased because I am obsessed with our airport, but the Wall Street Journal will even back me up on this. Our airport is amazing!
I go on that rant about streaming services every month or so and my husband always reminds me that "we used to have that, it was called cable and you complained about how you had all these channels you didn't need." 🤣
In all seriousness, LOVE a year-end wrap up. And I'm sorry someone felt the need to send you a long-ass email about not providing "enough content". There is not a single content creator I pay because of the *amount* of content they send. It's about wanting to support good work in the world, and part of supporting good work in the world is supporting the artists *making* that work when their lives are total chaos and they need a breather. (Also it was three bucks, ma'am. Eat a protein bar and take a nap.)
I loved this list! I’ve made a “what worked” list on my phone while we’ve been traveling and started a “what didn’t.” I don’t know if they’ll make it off my phone but they are helpful for me. My top family one is that we started paying to have our house cleaned this fall and it has been like a burden lifted off us in this season.