Defining Word: Friction

Fric·tion | ˈfrikSHən | a form of resistance that slows things down

Nikon f100 // Fuji 400

1. For weeks now, every night about an hour after I fall asleep, construction workers begin paving the main road behind our house. Despite the analog alarm clock streaming white noise 12 inches from my head, I still hear those machines growling through the windows. Off they go—smoothing, buffing, filling in pot holes. This is what we want the world to feel like, isn't it? As frictionless as possible. Fluid and easy. This is why at Whole Foods, which is now owned by Amazon, you can "pay with your palm" at checkout. Who has time to pull a debit card out of a wallet when you can simply wave your hand over the sensor? My husband teases me because I refuse to engage in this new payment method. Instead, I stand around for an extra thirty seconds fishing my card out of my purse like a stubborn old lady. Like a boring human. Like a person who does not want any part of her body scanned in the grocery store.

2. Across the street from our neighborhood is a lackluster shopping center that's had a bit of a glow-up in recent years. One of the new tenants is a mailbox/gift store where you can buy stamps, ship packages, and even get fingerprinted. Despite owning a postage scale, tons of bubble mailers, and shipping labels I can print at home, more often than not, I take my packages across the street. Anytime I pop in there, the owner, Annie, is delighted to see me. She asks about my work. Her daughter compliments my outfit. We chat about whatever music is streaming through the speakers while I grab a piece of candy from the complimentary dish next to the register. Shipping this way costs more money and requires me to leave the house, but I’ve never doubted whether or not the extra effort is worth it.

3. I recently stumbled across a short piece of writing that sounded eerily similar to something I myself had written. It wasn't a direct copy/paste plagiarism, but the key message and format were identical. Being the extremely non-confrontational person that I am, I felt tempted to let the whole thing slide. Fill up the pot hole and move on. In the end, though, my conscience wouldn't let me. I sent the writer a DM, trying to ignore the knots in my stomach. Imagine my surprise when she immediately took accountability over the error, responding, "I really appreciate you flagging this, and the grace in which you did so."

4. I'm sitting at my computer staring at an essay I have been working on for weeks. I know it needs something more, but I don't know what. I know it can be better, but I don't know how. After multiple rounds of grueling revision, I email the essay to my best friend, who leaves a kind note at the top encouraging me not to publish this particular story on the internet. At first, I feel a tiny flash of defensiveness. But then I quickly remember: my best friend can say this because she knows me, loves me, wants good for me. And I can believe her, for all of the same reasons. This is a key difference between true friends and ChatGPT: a true friend will sometimes tell you what you don't want to hear.

5. In Matthew 4, Satan tempts Jesus three times. Just tell these stones to become bread. Just leap from this temple; angels will catch you. Just bow down to me. Three simple commands, all of which could have been accomplished in seconds. This is, of course, part of the language of Satan: whatever is quick, whatever is easy. He's always lurking, ready to offer crafty shortcuts to gratification, pleasure, success, power. The night Jesus prayed and wept in the Garden of Gethsemane, he asked God if there was any other way to accomplish what needed to be done. Your will, not mine. In case you don't know how that story ends, I'd love to tell you: Jesus took the most excruciating, painful way—the way of the cross—for us.

6. Once Michael Scott left The Office, the show was never the same. The final two seasons are my least favorites, but there is one pivotal scene in S9 E15 that I have thought about no less than a hundred times since I've seen it. On Valentine's Day, after a tense lunch, Jim tells Pam he'd rather skip their date night and go back to Philly early. He worries that if he stays, they'll fight. Pam originally agrees, but changes her mind a few minutes later.
   
   Pam: I don’t think you should go to Philly tonight. I think you should stay and I think we should fight.
   Jim: You really want to fight on Valentine's Day?
   Pam: Yeah, I do.
   Jim: Okay. Alright. Put your dukes up, Beasely.
   
   I actually thought of that scene on my 39th birthday, at 3am lying in a hotel bed in New York City, right before I woke my husband up to finish the fight we had started at dinner.

7. As my kids have gotten older and my life has accumulated slightly more margin, I am slowly returning to one of my favorite pre-kid hobbies: thrifting. Anytime I have an hour to spare, I pop over to my favorite thrift store and cruise up and down chaotic aisles filled with other people's junk. To some, this is a nightmare. But I love looking for potential, walking through piles of discarded stuff with an eye searching for hope, for beauty, for what could be. Is this not the life of a believer? To look at what someone else has deemed unwanted and proclaim, God’s not done with you yet? This work—of restoration, of second chances—is laborious. It is the opposite of add to cart; the opposite of buy now. Thrifting requires time, effort, and heaps of patience. This process is slow by nature and wildly inefficient—full of friction, which I'm starting to believe might just be the fabric of being alive.

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Other defining words you might love¹:

Defining Word: Confidence
Defining Word(s): The Sweet Spot
Defining Word(s): More Generous Than Necessary

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1. This writing structure is inspired by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, as seen in Textbook.