Ashlee Gadd, I am your ecourse! Go cut five of your favorite colored zinnias, tie together, hang them to dry until before Christmas (closet, kitchen, a curtain rod, not a bathroom). Then store them in a PAPER envelope (plastic could lock in moisture). One flower head has ~50 seeds. In spring, pull the seeds out and plant. Not sure what the seed looks like? Before you clear out that corner of the yard take one of the zinnia flower heads and dissect it. Right above the stem at the bottom inside of the flower are the seeds, many seeds. You can do this! Minimal effort, ecourse complete :) You’ve given me so much life over the years I hope I can bring some (thrifty) life to your garden <3
Your words are beautiful as always. And I see you. I see your mental load, the layers of worry and the overload that comes with day to day life. Give yourself some grace. Your substack can be quieter… we will still be here to read your words when life allows you to breathe ❤️
Just here to say these stream of consciousness essays are my favorite of yours. Art in honesty. Your best writing days are most certainly not behind you. 💛
Also - a tiny bit of encouragement. I was talking to my dad about the absolute exhaustion of this stage of life (raising teens and tweens, bleeding money, holding both joy and grief, feeling like a failure more often than not), and he said something so simple but it was profound to me. He said “that’s just what this stage of life is like, you’re not failing or behind - you’re just in this stage”. This time of life is hard but it is not forever, and there is much joy to be found in it (even when nothing seems to be working), and, maybe even more exciting, in the days ahead.
Hang in there. This season is full and exhausting and we are broke but I guess this is normal, and it doesn’t last forever. Most importantly, our God is faithful through every bit of it. 💛
Oh man, I feel this, Ashlee. I have been writing on Substack, but I cannot bring myself to journal, and squeaking out words at all is sort of a stubborn lifeline I’m hanging onto, even though they feel clunky and more frustrating than usual.
Life is so overwhelming right now. I hope the words come back soon.
It’s honestly making me wonder if I’m broken. But between moving and pregnancy and everything else I think I just don’t know where to start, so it keeps piling up.
You're definitely not broken. You have a ton going on! I find when I can't journal, it's usually because I'm scared to put my real feelings/thoughts in writing, that it will make them more real that way.
Yessssss 🥹🥹🥹 So much heartache and my own (perceived or real) failures feel paralyzing. But we grieve what we need to do and do the next right thing ❤️
Ashlee, I feel like I know you since I've listened to your voice for years and read your words. Your art--your words on paper and in my headphones--is absolutely priceless. Thank you. Thank you for showing up to the page, showing up to other mamas, showing up to LIFE with such honesty and vulnerability. I read your words and my heart said, "yeah. Me too." Thank you for putting to words what so many of us are experiencing right now.
Oof, Ashlee. This was so heartfelt and lovely. Thank you for being a consistent source of encouragement and kindness for us writers, even when you don’t feel like writing yourself. Also: tulip bulbs as spiritual warfare! So true!!
This resonates so deeply, the stress and hard and being ok but it all being A LOT. An unplanned (but not shocking) surgery for your child is scary and hard; my son had his tonsils and adenoids out this summer. Thank you for creating and sharing! And you’re one of the many who have inspired me to buy zinnia seeds in the spring!
Oh Ashlee! I’m so sorry to hear about all the surgery needs and the roof! That is A LOT. I’ll be saying a prayer for your family. It is always something 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Can I mail you some zinnia seeds from our garden for next year? ☺️ Molly from C+C mailed me some from hers last year & added another color to our mix & it brought us such joy!
Ashlee Gadd, I am your ecourse! Go cut five of your favorite colored zinnias, tie together, hang them to dry until before Christmas (closet, kitchen, a curtain rod, not a bathroom). Then store them in a PAPER envelope (plastic could lock in moisture). One flower head has ~50 seeds. In spring, pull the seeds out and plant. Not sure what the seed looks like? Before you clear out that corner of the yard take one of the zinnia flower heads and dissect it. Right above the stem at the bottom inside of the flower are the seeds, many seeds. You can do this! Minimal effort, ecourse complete :) You’ve given me so much life over the years I hope I can bring some (thrifty) life to your garden <3
Lori Thomas! You are my hero. This is 100x less complicated than the ecourse and I AM GRATEFUL. Thank you, thank you!!
Your words are beautiful as always. And I see you. I see your mental load, the layers of worry and the overload that comes with day to day life. Give yourself some grace. Your substack can be quieter… we will still be here to read your words when life allows you to breathe ❤️
OH… and your zinnias this year are something to celebrate and be proud of. And they will be again next year
The rain to the wind said,
You push and I'll pelt.'
They so smote the garden bed
That the flowers actually knelt,
And lay lodged--though not dead.
I know how the flowers felt.
Robert Frost
Your zinnias coming to the end of the season and your reflection on the state of things reminded me of this little poem 🩷
You do know what to do. And you’ll keep showing up ❤️
Just here to say these stream of consciousness essays are my favorite of yours. Art in honesty. Your best writing days are most certainly not behind you. 💛
Also - a tiny bit of encouragement. I was talking to my dad about the absolute exhaustion of this stage of life (raising teens and tweens, bleeding money, holding both joy and grief, feeling like a failure more often than not), and he said something so simple but it was profound to me. He said “that’s just what this stage of life is like, you’re not failing or behind - you’re just in this stage”. This time of life is hard but it is not forever, and there is much joy to be found in it (even when nothing seems to be working), and, maybe even more exciting, in the days ahead.
Hang in there. This season is full and exhausting and we are broke but I guess this is normal, and it doesn’t last forever. Most importantly, our God is faithful through every bit of it. 💛
Love this, Kayse. Thank you for sharing ❤️
I resonate so deeply with this. Thank you for facing the blank page and turning it into something beautiful.
Oh man, I feel this, Ashlee. I have been writing on Substack, but I cannot bring myself to journal, and squeaking out words at all is sort of a stubborn lifeline I’m hanging onto, even though they feel clunky and more frustrating than usual.
Life is so overwhelming right now. I hope the words come back soon.
This is interesting, Annelise! I am journaling every day, but then it rarely gets off the paper and onto the computer. Haha.
It’s honestly making me wonder if I’m broken. But between moving and pregnancy and everything else I think I just don’t know where to start, so it keeps piling up.
You're definitely not broken. You have a ton going on! I find when I can't journal, it's usually because I'm scared to put my real feelings/thoughts in writing, that it will make them more real that way.
“To grieve the zinnias, among other things.” With you, friend ❤️
I can't explain how much I needed these words. After crying for the last 20 minutes, reading this after felt like Jesus giving me a hug.
Yessssss 🥹🥹🥹 So much heartache and my own (perceived or real) failures feel paralyzing. But we grieve what we need to do and do the next right thing ❤️
Ashlee, I feel like I know you since I've listened to your voice for years and read your words. Your art--your words on paper and in my headphones--is absolutely priceless. Thank you. Thank you for showing up to the page, showing up to other mamas, showing up to LIFE with such honesty and vulnerability. I read your words and my heart said, "yeah. Me too." Thank you for putting to words what so many of us are experiencing right now.
Thanks for this, Sarah ❤️
Oof, Ashlee. This was so heartfelt and lovely. Thank you for being a consistent source of encouragement and kindness for us writers, even when you don’t feel like writing yourself. Also: tulip bulbs as spiritual warfare! So true!!
This resonates so deeply, the stress and hard and being ok but it all being A LOT. An unplanned (but not shocking) surgery for your child is scary and hard; my son had his tonsils and adenoids out this summer. Thank you for creating and sharing! And you’re one of the many who have inspired me to buy zinnia seeds in the spring!
Oh Ashlee! I’m so sorry to hear about all the surgery needs and the roof! That is A LOT. I’ll be saying a prayer for your family. It is always something 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Can I mail you some zinnia seeds from our garden for next year? ☺️ Molly from C+C mailed me some from hers last year & added another color to our mix & it brought us such joy!
Oh my goodness! Nothing would delight me more! What a kind offer, thank you. Tell me how to get you my address ;)
I’ll message you on Instagram!
This was exactly what I needed to read today to get up and keep going. Thanks for sharing even when it feels like you aren’t able to do much.