Some buy shiny red convertibles during a midlife crisis. Others get tattoos. Quit their jobs. Cut bangs. Me? I’ve decided to start a Substack. I should clarify that I am not so much having a midlife crisis, as I am finding my way en route to a midlife crisis.
I nodded and nodded and nodded along while reading this. My oldest is also starting middle school next year. In addition to that, I'm coming to the end of a decade long chapter in my life and it feels like I'm about to *begin again* while so many others my age are settling in.
The "three seasons too long" TV show metaphor was all too relatable and reminds me of the words Emily P. Freeman shared about the "rooms we walked into no longer being the rooms where we belong" —learning to hold onto the gifts of a season and leave the rest behind.
And on the note of a quieter life (yes please), one of my dream writing jobs has always been to have a tiny column in a local newspaper—you know, the kind of column that some people skip right over to get to the headlines, but others turn straight to because they consider the little column a simple joy in their life. And if people want to respond, they have to mail you a letter. Who knows, maybe Substack will be an online version of that dream for me.
Cheers to midlife situations! I'm here for the ride.
P.S. I created a Substack and got a tattoo in the same month. Does that mean I’m beyond a midlife situation? Maybe don't answer? 😂
I can relate in many ways to what you wrote here. My oldest just turned 8 and I'll be where you are with yours in blink. I've only been active on Substack for a few weeks but I'm LOVING it and so happy to support you here. ps. I'm planning my next tattoo right now 😜
Ashlee, I cannot imagine a world without Coffee + Crumbs. I can completely understand you wanting to know when the time has come, but in my mind, there will always be a place for beautiful writing and encouraging mothers in every stage of their lives. Please continue to hold space and create this beautiful community you have created. Maybe instead of thinking of something coming to an end, maybe it just needs to evolve and change into something better than before...
I joined the marriage and motherhood game later in life than many (marriage at 31, motherhood on the day I turned 33), so my situation is a little different than yours, but I feel the tension of “what does it even mean to be a writer in 2022”? I started blogging in 2008 (even earlier if we count the days of Xanga), so I’ve been sharing my writing (and, by extension, life) on the internet in fits and spurts for 14 years. My dilemma is that so many huge life changes happened to me between 2019 and 2022, plus, you know, a global pandemic, that I feel like I’m just now coming up for air and wondering who the heck I am as a writer, what does it look like to do this thing on the internet, feeling like I should have more to show after 14 years of writing than just words and a handful of subscribers, wondering if something simpler (like Substack) is better.
All that to say, thank you for writing this. I’ve been binging the C+C podcast over the last month or so and I resonate so strongly with all your complicated thoughts on all the things, even though my oldest is currently my only and our big situation is him trying to pull up on literally everything. So grateful for you and your words and will be following along for as long as you’re sharing them, wherever you’re sharing them.
I love your heart and words that you've shared here Ashley!! While I got an early start on Motherhood and Marriage so I am closer to my 30's than 40's but alot of what you've written here resonates. My oldest is turning 8 this month and my youngest is 4 soon to be 5. I feel that shift away from baby territory, diapers, toddlerhood, and were entering big kid territory. I recently found out my oldest has a crush on girl in his class, were not being weird about it, because he is allowed to have feelings and we ant him to feel comfortable sharing things with us. But internally i'm like what??! I was just adjusting the fact that were in the world of reading, pokemon, baseball and basketball, legos and being able to focus on something on our own (my youngest isnt there yet lol). At the same time things are shifting in motherhood, they are shifting in my work/creative life. I've been a student working mom the past 4 years and just graduated last month and while I don't miss the stress/anxiety of deadlines, tests, exams, papers, group projects etc. I feel a bit lost.. as though too much of my identity has been wrapped up in the "struggle" aspect of this season of life I've been in. I'm wondering how/if I can have a career job as a writer/storyteller/creative without being all over social media platforms i have no passion for and have lost interest in... what does art and content look like? being a writer in 2022? I was intrigued by substack and hoping to reclaim some space, so excited to find you here and follow this journey!
There is something about the tween and teen years that cause us pause about sharing our intimate parts of our lives with strangers on the internet. I would have gladly shared about my toddlers meltdowns, but now would never share about my teens’ trials. Searching for a pací is one thing; searching for identity is quite another. Their stories become more their own as they get older. And the permanency and accessibility of what we write about others becomes more apparent. I went from a mama who used to share all the stories about the cute and not-so-cute things her littles did to one who mostly just shares about myself. (That, as you know, carries its own set of issues.) The passion to write does not go away, but the subject matter certainly changes!
Oh! Being able to read others' reflections is so incredibly helpful; thanks for sharing yours here. I was nodding along, being able to identify with your thoughts. I am 42 but I began the motherhood journey at 30, so my oldest is only a year older than yours. I used to love writing little snippets on Instagram, because I could write, but in a way I didn't have space to overthink it and share fun photos of our day. Two years ago he started speaking up that he didn't want his photos put up on Instagram and I honored that and stopped posting. I thought it would be a year break, but I have not gone back. I miss the writing but not the approval I was looking for. I am still looking/praying/waiting for a new way. My youngest turned ten this summer and it has threw me for a spiral emotionally! I did not expect that! I homeschool as well, so as they are becoming more independent (which is nice but was a big transition for me) I am beginning to wonder as well, what will be my second act?
I'm rereading this today and this line jumped out at me: "The old ladies in the grocery store might have been right." It was eerie hearing you say that because in early days C+C, I always appreciated that you guys "got it." (My therapist, now an old lady herself, always tells me that when old ladies used to say that to her, she would think to herself, "Not fast enough!") Anyway, I appreciated your honest musings here on questions about your future, where you belong, how everything fits together, etc. Always enjoy reading your words. :)
I'm kicking myself for not finding your Substack earlier, but also kind of excited to curl up and read all the posts. What a fun Tuesday night discovery! Can't wait to read more and follow. Also, must be something about the late 30s (37 here :))--asking lots of questions about the future, as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
So this is wonderful. Love it when I just learn about secret corners of the internet where women talk about things like WTF are we going to be when we grow up because that’s me. I was just handed a folder at the OB/GYN labeled “Mid Life Transition” (you better believe there’s a story in that “situation” and I rounded the corner on a decade of parenting with one headed to middle but also one still having tantrums and WHAT DOES WHEN DO WITH ALL OF THIS?! So yeah…glad you’re here to walk alongside me in this.
I nodded and nodded and nodded along while reading this. My oldest is also starting middle school next year. In addition to that, I'm coming to the end of a decade long chapter in my life and it feels like I'm about to *begin again* while so many others my age are settling in.
The "three seasons too long" TV show metaphor was all too relatable and reminds me of the words Emily P. Freeman shared about the "rooms we walked into no longer being the rooms where we belong" —learning to hold onto the gifts of a season and leave the rest behind.
And on the note of a quieter life (yes please), one of my dream writing jobs has always been to have a tiny column in a local newspaper—you know, the kind of column that some people skip right over to get to the headlines, but others turn straight to because they consider the little column a simple joy in their life. And if people want to respond, they have to mail you a letter. Who knows, maybe Substack will be an online version of that dream for me.
Cheers to midlife situations! I'm here for the ride.
P.S. I created a Substack and got a tattoo in the same month. Does that mean I’m beyond a midlife situation? Maybe don't answer? 😂
I can relate in many ways to what you wrote here. My oldest just turned 8 and I'll be where you are with yours in blink. I've only been active on Substack for a few weeks but I'm LOVING it and so happy to support you here. ps. I'm planning my next tattoo right now 😜
Ashlee, I cannot imagine a world without Coffee + Crumbs. I can completely understand you wanting to know when the time has come, but in my mind, there will always be a place for beautiful writing and encouraging mothers in every stage of their lives. Please continue to hold space and create this beautiful community you have created. Maybe instead of thinking of something coming to an end, maybe it just needs to evolve and change into something better than before...
Oh, Ashlee. You’re speaking to my heart.
I joined the marriage and motherhood game later in life than many (marriage at 31, motherhood on the day I turned 33), so my situation is a little different than yours, but I feel the tension of “what does it even mean to be a writer in 2022”? I started blogging in 2008 (even earlier if we count the days of Xanga), so I’ve been sharing my writing (and, by extension, life) on the internet in fits and spurts for 14 years. My dilemma is that so many huge life changes happened to me between 2019 and 2022, plus, you know, a global pandemic, that I feel like I’m just now coming up for air and wondering who the heck I am as a writer, what does it look like to do this thing on the internet, feeling like I should have more to show after 14 years of writing than just words and a handful of subscribers, wondering if something simpler (like Substack) is better.
All that to say, thank you for writing this. I’ve been binging the C+C podcast over the last month or so and I resonate so strongly with all your complicated thoughts on all the things, even though my oldest is currently my only and our big situation is him trying to pull up on literally everything. So grateful for you and your words and will be following along for as long as you’re sharing them, wherever you’re sharing them.
I love your heart and words that you've shared here Ashley!! While I got an early start on Motherhood and Marriage so I am closer to my 30's than 40's but alot of what you've written here resonates. My oldest is turning 8 this month and my youngest is 4 soon to be 5. I feel that shift away from baby territory, diapers, toddlerhood, and were entering big kid territory. I recently found out my oldest has a crush on girl in his class, were not being weird about it, because he is allowed to have feelings and we ant him to feel comfortable sharing things with us. But internally i'm like what??! I was just adjusting the fact that were in the world of reading, pokemon, baseball and basketball, legos and being able to focus on something on our own (my youngest isnt there yet lol). At the same time things are shifting in motherhood, they are shifting in my work/creative life. I've been a student working mom the past 4 years and just graduated last month and while I don't miss the stress/anxiety of deadlines, tests, exams, papers, group projects etc. I feel a bit lost.. as though too much of my identity has been wrapped up in the "struggle" aspect of this season of life I've been in. I'm wondering how/if I can have a career job as a writer/storyteller/creative without being all over social media platforms i have no passion for and have lost interest in... what does art and content look like? being a writer in 2022? I was intrigued by substack and hoping to reclaim some space, so excited to find you here and follow this journey!
There is something about the tween and teen years that cause us pause about sharing our intimate parts of our lives with strangers on the internet. I would have gladly shared about my toddlers meltdowns, but now would never share about my teens’ trials. Searching for a pací is one thing; searching for identity is quite another. Their stories become more their own as they get older. And the permanency and accessibility of what we write about others becomes more apparent. I went from a mama who used to share all the stories about the cute and not-so-cute things her littles did to one who mostly just shares about myself. (That, as you know, carries its own set of issues.) The passion to write does not go away, but the subject matter certainly changes!
Oh! Being able to read others' reflections is so incredibly helpful; thanks for sharing yours here. I was nodding along, being able to identify with your thoughts. I am 42 but I began the motherhood journey at 30, so my oldest is only a year older than yours. I used to love writing little snippets on Instagram, because I could write, but in a way I didn't have space to overthink it and share fun photos of our day. Two years ago he started speaking up that he didn't want his photos put up on Instagram and I honored that and stopped posting. I thought it would be a year break, but I have not gone back. I miss the writing but not the approval I was looking for. I am still looking/praying/waiting for a new way. My youngest turned ten this summer and it has threw me for a spiral emotionally! I did not expect that! I homeschool as well, so as they are becoming more independent (which is nice but was a big transition for me) I am beginning to wonder as well, what will be my second act?
I'm rereading this today and this line jumped out at me: "The old ladies in the grocery store might have been right." It was eerie hearing you say that because in early days C+C, I always appreciated that you guys "got it." (My therapist, now an old lady herself, always tells me that when old ladies used to say that to her, she would think to herself, "Not fast enough!") Anyway, I appreciated your honest musings here on questions about your future, where you belong, how everything fits together, etc. Always enjoy reading your words. :)
I'm kicking myself for not finding your Substack earlier, but also kind of excited to curl up and read all the posts. What a fun Tuesday night discovery! Can't wait to read more and follow. Also, must be something about the late 30s (37 here :))--asking lots of questions about the future, as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
So this is wonderful. Love it when I just learn about secret corners of the internet where women talk about things like WTF are we going to be when we grow up because that’s me. I was just handed a folder at the OB/GYN labeled “Mid Life Transition” (you better believe there’s a story in that “situation” and I rounded the corner on a decade of parenting with one headed to middle but also one still having tantrums and WHAT DOES WHEN DO WITH ALL OF THIS?! So yeah…glad you’re here to walk alongside me in this.